Eternal Confabulations of Thoughtless Minds

Since the beginning of college, my hostel room has been the perpetual meeting place of the most jobless students of my college. I've been exposed to a concoction of ideas from the farthest corners of human mind since the first day of college. Here is a rundown of the kinds of discussions held at the rendezvous of ramblers.

Reminiscences

These discussions are usually headed by my roomie (read drunkorexic room-mate) and are usually narratives of his fukupps or his experiences with imbeciles of the highest order, followed by the audience's contributions. There is no specific time or ocassion to start these and thats the reason these have been abused (mostly by my roomie) and will be abused till the end of time. After months of listening to the same stories over and over again, I am sure I can write a short-story book on his fuckupps. Excerpts from some most repeated discussions to bring in some clarity:

"...that freak was weighing the other guy's balls with a spoon..."

"...and then we banged in and caught him red handed. He was on his knees in front of the computer monitor...LOL!"

"...and then we ran all the way to the beach in the snow, wearing only our boxers."

I guess that should be enough...ain't it?

Philosophies

These discussions are usually triggered quite late in the night and almost invariably last until dawn. They usually involve very few participants with significant IQs (that explains the low participation levels). I usually prefer to be a part of these. Although these discussions aren't exactly productive, they 'sound' intellectual and make you feel good about yourself...as if you've made an invaluable contribution to the world of philosophy. These are usually centred around abstruce, debatable and indecipherable stuff like "Does God exist?" or "Can money buy happiness?" or "Is happiness relative?" or any other topic that qualifies to be fairly abstract and time consuming.

Cacophonies

These are the most popular, most attended and most enjoyed discussions of all. These start close to midnight and may continue until just before dawn. These are essentially pointless, inconsequential and irrelevant discussions usually motivated by guys in high spirits or high 'on' spirits or both (my roomie falls in the third category). My involvement in these discussions is preferrably physical as long as I'm not high on spirits too :D. During these, the nonsense level in the air reaches dizzying heights and can prove fatal for a completely sane guy...but who cares for minorities anyway.

After months of being amidst these fabulous confabulations and more, I feel I'm not worse off. At least I can be sure my brain cells can now handle most absurdiy than most of you can.

True Lies

Folks...Do not misread this blog as humour...this is some serious business :-|

I have identified three types of pathetic freaks. Allow me to explain in detail about them one by one...

Liars: These are the ones that have inherent need to lie. I am yet to figure out if this need is biogenic or psychogenic. They simply don't need a fuckin reasons to lie. For them, its a reason for their existence. The worst part of being the audience is that their lies are abso-fuckin-lutely ridiculous, but you cannot retaliate with disgust because that will give rise to an avalanche of even more ridiculous lies.

Bombastics: A subset of liars, these are the "been there, done that" kind. They claim to have done anything and everything in the world...as many times(if not more) than anyone around them. If you have survived a car accident, they must have survived a nuclear holocaust. They have been to every fuckin location in discussion, and that too more number of times than anyone who is a part of the discussion has. Be it sky diving, swimming with sharks, sleeping with a thousand women and what not...if anyone has mentioned doing anything...they have bloody well done it. Dare you doubt their achieving any of these feats...they will create supporting facts...even eyewitnesses, out of thin air...and by the time it gets over, you will realize you were fucking around with a pig in the mud.

Parasites: I couldn't have gotten a better description for the deadliest of the lot...Parasites. Dictionary defines the word as "a person who receives support, advantage, or the like, from another or others without giving any useful or proper return, as one who lives on the hospitality of others". I guess this clarifies what I intend to communicate, but I am not taking any chances. So read on...

These are disgusting creatures who encroach anything and everything that doesn't belong to them. Consider yourself lucky if you haven't come across one of these. They are so fuckin shameless that they will even scratch their balls with your hand without bothering to ask you...that too not because their hands are occupied...in fact, they might even engage both their hands in the act. They do it for the heck of doing it. Try pulling your hand back and they will return either an innocent "Dude! I was only scratching my balls" look or a shameless, unappologetic, unthankful smile, which will make you feel like ripping their balls off with your bare hands.

If you think you can survive the above three, wait till you come across a grandiose, parasitic, muthafuckin liar who will put all your emotions to test in one go.

And if you survive that too....then my dear friend...Welcome to the club!

The old man on the bicycle

I had just pulled out dad's car on the road when an old man crossed me on his bicycle. I caught a glance, enough to put me in doubt that I knew him. I asked myself, "Was it Thomas sir?". The next evening, I saw him again. A midget sized old man with thick grey-black beard, wearing old fashioned carbon rimmed glasses with not so clear glass, riding an old hercules bicyle. Oh yes, it was Thomas sir.

Thomas sir, my favourite teacher, who used to teach us social science in school and I was his favourite student. He used to call me 'Raj'(with a mallu accent) which I found really 'cool' then. I remember visiting his place with Irfan(my best friend in school) and him telling us about his family over tea and banana chips(it was a rare occurance in our town in those days). I didn't like those chips, but still ate it so as not to cease his excitement about his favourite snack that his sister had sent him, and he sacrificed for me. I remember him tellin us that all his siblings were rich, unlike him, and he kept refusing to their calls to come and join them in business.

After all these years, he is still living more or less the same life that he did 13 years ago. He still carries that strange contented look on his face, blended with the weariness of his aged face and his grey-black beard, as if he is watchin the world rushing past him with utter silence, and no willingness to join the rat-race. By the time I gathered my thoughts and turned back to stop him, he was nowhere in sight. That night I told Gourav about him. He asked me if we should pay a visit to some of the teachers, but didn't mention Thomas sir. I denied uninterestingly.

My First Blog

'Garmi ki chuttiyan'...a grin appeared my face everytime someone mentioned those three words. I could not help thinking about the fun I will have when all my cousins come home for vacations, the games we will play, the places we will visit. The school reopening date always seemed to near at greater speed with each passing day and the vacations were never enough.

Ten years later, I have roughly the same length of time entirely at my dispense. Gourav, a friend from those times, mockingly said, "Garmi ki chutti me ghar aaya hai Raja beta?" I would have called this break exactly that had it been anywhere close to those, but it is not. I long for those college days when I had to study for hours at a stretch, sleep for lectures at a stretch or just go lie down at the university cricket ground till the night perms allow me to. I am fed up of swimming, tv, gym...everything for that matter.What sounded like a luxurious life few weeks back has now become an insufferable torment I can blame nobody for. After trying almost anythin I can manage to do at home, I finally found a solution, 'The internet', this wonderful creation of the human race turned out to be my last resort.

The idea of blogging has been wandering inside my head for more than a year now, but for some reason I've never tried it. A friend suggested me to try it, but for some reason I never did. A copy of HT brought 'the blogging fever' to my notice a few weeks back. It said celebrities like Amitabh Bachchan and Amir Khan have started their blogs and are blogging tirelessly. Last night, I googled AB's blogs and went through some of them and 18 hours later I'm writing my first blog. I don't know if the emptiness of my day forced me, reading blogs from my friends inspired me or my likeness for Amitabh has brought me here. Well...now that I am here, I hope this will be a delightful experience for me and my readers.

Love
Raj